Life is tough sometimes

Sometimes life is tough, sometimes it just plain stinks! This weekend was one of those tough moments for us. We experienced another miscarriage this weekend. Friday morning the tears just wouldn't stop rolling. We were not far along but we were still excited - nervous excited.

We didn't tell many people because we were nervous due to the recent miscarriage in September. I thought I had kept a wall around my emotions not letting myself really think about 9 months down the road but I guess I didn't do a very good job because they hit me like an 18 wheel mack truck when the reality set in that I was having another miscarriage. We were so guarded this time, we didn't really know how to get excited or whether we should or not. We were scared, nervous, anxious and excited all rolled up into one big bag of emotions.

This weekend I experienced one of those times that I don't want to even admit to ... In 72 hours I have gone through so many emotions, so many. Friday morning Jeremy and I just held each other crying and all I could do was whisper "why" through my sobs. I didn't and still do not understand. I'm still raw - thought maybe writing this post would help me move past. I have asked God why, begged him to reverse it, and been very angry with him -- all the while knowing all the right answers and words in my head ... My heart just hasn't matched up with what my head knows to be true. God has seemed rather silent on the matter - just letting me have my moment, not forcing himself or any cliches in my ears.

It's ironic - or rather just God's timing that right now I'm doing a study on Esther. A book in the Bible where God's name is never mentioned. We are doing Beth Moore's study. And one of the first weeks she said that there are times in our lives when God seems absent or quiet but that we can be sure that those are the times when he is nearest to us and to not doubt the quietness for his absence.

So right now I am going to cling to that ... that He is near even though my pain is speaking louder that what I know to be true in my head. He will guide me through this and thankfully he is patient enough to allow me to work through this and gently waits for me to fall into His arms.

My hubby left me a note this morning before he headed out for work and it said ... "This too shall pass. We will get through this TOGETHER." He's right and we will ....

3 Little Valentines

These guys make me smile each day! They are an absolute joy to parent and I am so blessed to have them as mine!!

For Valentines this year I got to go on two dates. One with my Big V Valentine, and one with my 2 little v valentines. Jeremy took me out first and then he helped the boys ask me out on a date the day after Valentines day. My two little men brought me a balloon and a few flowers. It was so cute as they asked me to go out on a date with them. Jeremy put money in Ryan's pocket and told both boys how to treat me on a date. We had such good conversation.

While we were out on our date, Jeremy asked a little 2 1/2 year old princess out on a date. He showed up after work with an orange rose and off they went. She was so excited to go out with her daddy. By the time this girl gets to the age of 20 or 30 and she is allowed to go on her first date, she will know how to be treated by a male because her daddy will have set the bar so high! Jeremy said she talked the entire time they were out, I don't doubt it at all because she has so much to say. She doesn't like a quiet moment, she talks ALL.THE.TIME!

I love that my children know my first love is with Jesus, my second love is for my husband and that they fall in line right after him. I love that they get to see their father date me and love me and that they get to go out on special dates with us! I love the look in their eyes when we are together ... they know they are special, they know they are loved and they know that will never change!

I love my family!

She's Not a baby anymore

She is growing up way too fast! I seriously feel like I have blinked and my baby is 2 1/2. And the fact that girls grow up faster than boys doesn't help at all. The conversations I have with my daughter make me laugh and cry all at the same time. Sometimes I forget that she is only 2!

Why can't they just stay little?

I think I see the light ...

... at the end of the tunnel. I think we are slowly emerging from this funk. UGH! We have never been this sick before in the history of our family. This was the first year that the kids did not get a flu shot and it will be the last year that they did not get a flu shot! It would stand to reason that the one year I didn't get them the shot would be the first year that they got the flu. But, they decided to share with me and well, it's one thing that I don't mind them being stingy with :) HA! Someone lovingly phrased us as "drowning in the flu". They were not off base. :) It has been one insane time and one very exhausting time!

I do want to publicly thank my wonderful hubby! He has been a rock during this sickness that has lasted about 2 weeks ... first with the 12 hour bug and now with the flu. He has held down his job and our home without missing a beat, he has cooked meals, taken kids to school, wiped noses, given medicine, cleaned up vomit, etc ... and I don't think I heard him complain one time!

Thank you Jeremy for taking such great care of us!!! We owe ya big time! I love you!