And my heart broke ...

This morning on the way to school, I had to fight off the tears. Our neighbor across the street asked if his daughter could ride with us this morning because he had an early morning appointment.

Two years ago his wife slipped and fell and has been in bed ever since with her injuries. She sleeps most of the day because of the pain meds she is on. She has very little interaction with her husband or her kids.

This morning as we were driving to school I overheard the kids in the backseat talking. As they were talking the friend kept telling the boys how much she loved their mommy. Then what brought me to tears is she asked them if she could live with us because she wanted a mommy that wouldn't sleep all day.

I just felt so sorry for her ... my heart just ached for her and the missing role of mom in her life right now. I pray that God will heal her mom and that she will be able to be back to being a daily part of her daughters life soon.

I also drove away after dropping them off and thanked God that I have not had to work outside the home. I was just crying out to God and thanking him for allowing me to be available to my kids 24/7 .... what a blessing I have taken for granted!!!

If you think about it please pray for my neighbor and their family ... please pray for this mom and that she will be able to be more a part of her families life. That God will take away her pain and that she can be more present in her daughters life because she definitely needs her.

More Names

I didn't even have to tell you my reasons and you guys have picked up on the presidential concern I have :) Reagan is Jeremy's top name. He is in love with this name :) He has loved it for months now. Now, I like Reagan ... I really do like the name. However, I have a Kennedy and I just don't want both of my girls to have presidential first names. I figure they will get made fun of ... am I over thinking this? Kennedy is named after my uncle Kenny who passed away in 2006 from cancer. So, I can explain her presidential sounding name. I can't do that with a Reagan. It's not a family name.

I will tell you now that most of you have chimed in already. (THANKS SO MUCH!) The top name on my list is Keegan. I'm not sure why but I have fallen in love with it already. However, Jeremy is not 100% sold. He likes it but he's not sold .... So we are still on the hunt for another name or for Jeremy to move over to my side :)

I also really like Lane but I can't think of a middle name to go with it. Joy is what we were thinking of putting with Keegan. My dad's mom is Joyce and so we were thinking of Joy after her. Don't you just love Keegan Joy?

Again, everything at this point is up in the air and it may all change 100 times before we go to the hospital. Maybe another 100 once we are in the hospital. It's driving me insane to not know already. I have letters to paint other stuff to do .. I need a name :) I'm just a little bit of a planner and well, I need a name :)

Here are a few others we have thought of ...

Shae
Shiloh
Ainsley
Tory (Tori)
Sage

Do you have any other names for me?

Baby Names?!?!?!?!?

OK so I need your help. We have been thinking of names for a while now. The only ones that we really could agree on and the ones that came to us easily were BOY names. Since the cake was pink .... I think we might need a girl name :)

So I'll throw out some of the ones we are thinking of ... You can chime in if you want to! :) PLEASE do! :)

Esmeralda
Esperanza
Eudocia
Cinderella
Calliope
Cantara
Lieselotte

OK I kid, I kid! :) Here are some real choices we are thinking about ... I will not tell you our favorites because I don't want to sway you ... Not that you will ultimately name our baby but it's fun to hear your reasons and see if they match any of ours ...

Reagan
Keegan
Lily
Eden
Harper
Kharis
Nora
Teegan
Lane
Karsyn
Stori
Keaton

Tell me your thoughts in the comments below ... and if you have any names you like tell me those too ... we are trying to come up with something not so common. I know some of the names on the list are common but they are names we like so they are on the list.

A great 1st day!

Yesterday, after school we kept up our tradition of going and having a cupcake to talk about their day. Last year, since Pace was in pre-k I got to go with him at 1 and Ryan at 3. This year, I did both at the same time and just asked 1 at a time questions.

They were so excited they could hardly contain themselves. They both had great first days though Ryan said his was "hard". The things he was telling me didn't sound hard. I think it is just the difference from Kindergarten to first grade and there was not much play involved in 1st as in K. I imagine today will be "hard" as well :)

Pace loved his first day so much that he woke up this morning at 5 AM. He loved his teacher and he loved having a friend from his pre-school class last year in this years class. He just wished she was at his table :). The first thing he told me when he got in the car was that he stayed on green ALL day long. The child has never been on another color so I'm not sure why he was so surprised but he was. It was fun to listen to them and hear their excitement.

I hope that today is just as fun for them. I dropped them off at the curb today as Pace didn't want to be walked in. I asked Ryan to make sure that he helped Pace get to the right line. My heart sank a little as I watched both of them walk away together talking and laughing. I love the bond they have and I look forward to watching it grow.

Today, I'm getting Kennedy on a routine and getting her used to playing by herself a little and then we will do "school" together a little. She misses "her boys" and she is not used to playing by herself. So this should be a challenge for both of us ....

Hope you all have a great day!!!

1st Day of School 2011

Today, I have a Kindergartner, a first grader and a 3 year old! Two of my 3 began school today. I thought today was going to be a hard day. Pace came in to tell me good night last night and with tears in his big brown eyes he said he wanted to stay home and do school with me. He then left to brush his teeth and came back for another hug and told me the same thing again. We prayed over him before he went to bed. He had been VERY excited about kindergarten ... until the moment to go to bed. His nerves hit him. He woke up excited and any nerves from the night before were gone ... Thank you Jesus!. We made a big deal out of new shoes, new clothes and even new socks! They picked out their first day of school breakfast and off we went.

As we were pulling into school two of the boys good friends pulled in behind us and parked beside us. So, our 2 got to walk in with their 2 and all was right with the world.

The only tears all morning came from KK. She DID NOT want "her boys" to go to school. When I went into her room this morning to get her up she was balling saying "I don't want MY boys to go to school." She's not quite sure what to do without them. In a few months she will have a sister to help me take care of. However, today, she misses those boys like crazy. We tried to make today special for her. I took her to get her hair cut and Jeremy and I took her out to lunch.

I'm looking forward today to hearing the stories of both first days. I plan on taking them to the same place we went to last year to get cupcakes and learn all about day 1! It will be a bit different this year as both boys will be together as they tell me about their day instead of one on one like last year, but it will be so much fun!

Today, Pace looked really small to me and Ryan looked a lot older than 1st grade. My boys are growing up too fast, and KK as well! I'm going to blink and we are going to be at the last day of High School ..... I'm not going to blink :)

Oh what a night!

So I couldn't sleep last night! From like 2 AM on I was tossing and turning. I think I finally went back to sleep around 5:45 AM ... Just in time to get up at 6ish. Perfect! :)

You would think that I was going into labor tomorrow or next month not 4ish months from now, give or take. I was going through names in my head, trying to figure out what color to paint the nursery, pining over peoples reaction and thinking about Jeremy's new project in our garage. :) Oy vey, those of you that know me really well will just smile and laugh at me because you know this is me. Others will want to have me locked up in a padded room or something - don't worry this is just me. I'm a planner and that switch is so hard to turn off! So hard!

Naming this baby has been something we have talked about for a while. We had names already picked out with the boys if they were boys before the ultrasound so it was so easy. Kennedy was harder even though Kennedy was our girl name had Ryan been a girl. For some reason we didn't just LOVE it when we heard the tech tell us we were having a girl. Now, we had a boy name picked out going into our ultrasound but we are miles away from a girl name. There is a name we both love BUT I'm afraid of what may come for my girls if we name this one that name. So we are both still tossing it around. Maybe one day we will throw it on the blog for a poll and get your thoughts - all 5 of your thoughts :)

Oh well, I must get my munchkins up and ready for church. Tomorrow school starts so we have a ton of things to do today to get ready for tomorrow. I can't believe I'll have a first grader and a kindergartner in my house. Teary just typing that .....

It's a .....

GIRL!! It was so exciting to find out today what we are having! Yesterday was our ultrasound and we asked our tech to call a friend of ours instead of telling us the gender. So for the past 24 hours we have all been wondering what was inside my belly :)

My parents were in town, and Jeremy's parents were here also. We all went to lunch together and after lunch they brought out the cake that my friend had made for us.

The knife went in clean and came out with a touch of pink on it. We all squealed with delight and the kids went nuts. Pace ran around the table, Kennedy screamed and Ryan just smiled really big. Afterward, all they could say is "I can't believe it's a girl, God answered our prayers!"

It was quite surreal ... I'm so glad we didn't find out yesterday and we waited until today. I got choked up and almost cried. It was just such a fun way to find out and have our parents there with us made this last one even more special. I could have never made it to the end not knowing but it would have been a fun surprise if I was the type of person who could wait 4 more months. But, I'm such a planner that I cannot do that. So today was just perfect for our family.

Now the fun of planning a nursery begins ..... what am I going to do with 2 girls???? We are all so excited. We also have to pick a name which is going to be incredibly difficult to do .... Maybe by the birth we will have one picked out :)

Cultivating Giving Hearts

This year at Birthdays we have done something different. We wanted to do something out of the box, to teach our three to give always. In November last year Jeremy and I talked about how Ryan just didn't need a thing for his birthday in the way of presents. We started talking to Ryan about ways he could give and between the 3 of us we decided to take up toiletries for his birthday that we would take to a homeless shelter in our area. So he did ... He turned 6 and instead of gifts for him, his friends brought toiletry items to be given away.

It was incredible as a parent to see my son get excited about this. He is still very much a kid and he still very much desires to get presents for himself. However, he attached on to this idea and he ran with it ... at lightening speed, I might add. After his party, on his actual birthday, we delivered the items - TWO boxes full - to a local shelter. It was an amazing experience for us all. I blogged about it here if you would like to go back and read about it.

That day Pace declared that he wanted to do it for his birthday as well. So once again we took up toiletry items for his birthday and he donated one box to a guy at our church who runs a weekly night to feed the homeless downtown and one box was given to his school who sent items to tornado victims in Alabama. Pace was so excited to give away as well.

This past weekend was Kennedy's birthday and she decided that she wanted to follow the boys and do the same. So she took up school supplies which were combined with some others from people in our church and were delivered to area schools. This week they were able to help so many families get back to school supplies for their students.

Jeremy and I talked about how we really want to cultivate giving hearts in our children. And I think this year they all got a glimpse of how much they have in relation to others who may just be in a hard season of life. I think we will continue to do this on birthdays in the years to come. We will also do it at other times but the best thing is that my kids want to do it. We didn't have to twist arms or beg, plead or bribe them to do it. We put the idea out there and they got excited about it. I truly hope that this is only the beginning of their journey to think of others ahead of themselves. I pray that Jeremy and I will set an example of givers to them and that they will see this as a way of life for them and not just something they do to get a tax write off at the end of a year :)

"For whatever you have done for the least of these ...."

Weekend Re-cap

This past weekend we celebrated KK's third birthday. It was so much fun. This year she was SOOOOO very excited about her birthday. It has been all she talked about since May - seriously! As it got closer and we had it planned she was inviting people we didn't know to her party - our cashiers, anyone who walked by us at the store, you get the picture? It was fun to see her joy and excitement as she approached her 3rd birthday. It looked like it might rain Friday afternoon but thank the Lord it did not. Very thankful that God kept the rain away and allowed my girl her night to celebrate!

Saturday we took her out to eat and the restaurant staff sang to her when they brought out her dessert. The smiles just could not be contained. I loved watching her take it all in!

We started a new tradition this year on her birthday. I've read about friends and others that do this and so I wanted to incorporate it into our family. So Sunday morning as we were eating breakfast we all went around the table and told KK how thankful we were for her and one quality she had that stood out to us. It was so much fun hearing the boys lift up their sister - and to watch her face as they did it! AND the best part is they are looking forward to the next birthday when we can do this again!

One other moment to cherish from this weekend happened at her party Friday night. One of our friends little girl fell and got hurt at the beginning of the party. I was with my friend as she tended to her daughter and tried to figure out what steps to take next. Another friend came up to me and said that one of my boys went to Jeremy and asked him if they could pray for her. My heart melted. I love that all 3 of my children believe in prayer and aren't afraid to ask for prayer or to pray for something or someone. I pray that they will carry this with them throughout their lives.

And by the way .... God answered his prayer and their little friend is doing just fine!

T.H.R.E.E.

This is my spunky little monkey! She is an absolute delight to parent. She has her moments of DRAMA like I'm sure most girls do but man do I love her. It's so funny to me now how scared I was to have a daughter. TERRIFIED is a better word for it. I remember the 4 months after we found out it was a girl and processing it. Walking through stores and thinking ..."God are you sure you want ME to be a mom of a girl?" I sure am happy that he allowed me this privilege!!! She makes my heart mush (just as the boys do) and I cannot imagine my life without her!

Today she is 3!!! She if full of spunk and full of life. It doesn't seem like 3 years ago today I was making my way to the hospital and was nervous about meeting my girl for the first time. Time goes by so quickly.

I am so thankful that daily I get the wonderful opportunity of spending my days with my 3 kids. It's something that many mothers want to do and don't get to do, yet God has made a way for it to be possible for me. I love it!

Happy Birthday my sweet girl! Your daddy and I love you so much and we are so thrilled to have you in our lives. You are such a girly girl with so much spunk and love of life in you. Your brothers love you and we are so happy that today we get to celebrate you and hope that you have a wonderful day! We love you to the moon and back!

I pray that you will continue to grow into a godly little girl and one day a godly woman. I pray that your little heart will continue to remain open and that you will fall in love with God and receive his love for you. I pray that you will be a light to those around you and that God will use you in mighty ways to further his kingdom!

Happy birthday baby girl! I love you so much!

Back to school

Today Pace was tested for Kindergarten ... yes, I said Kindergarten. It doesn't seem like it should be here already. He is more than ready ... momma is not. For the past 5 years he has been with me, minus a few hours a few days a week that he went to pre-school. Now he will be gone all day every day and will learn from other teachers and kids. He will grow and learn. Today he is excited for school - in a few years I may drag him kicking and screaming to school :)

Ryan is going to 1st Grade - WOW. He is in the real grades. He is growing way to fast. In a few months he will be 7 - S.E.V.E.N. How is it even possible that I should have a child that is almost 7. I feel like I am still in my 20's .... and he still loves school too. He is excited. He is ready and he will do great!

I'm praying for both of my boys and for their respective teachers. I pray that they are placed with the teacher that is their best match. That they will continue to have a love of learning and that the teacher they both get will continue to foster that love of learning in both of them. I pray that they will each have their perfect match for teachers and that Pace's first year and Ryan's second year will be incredible. I also pray that my boys will shine the light of God's love to their teachers and to their friends. I pray that they will be a bright light inside their school. I pray that they will be a joy to their teachers and that God will use them to show His love to their teachers as well!

Shine on Boys, Shine on!

Fear

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7 (NLT)

I read that verse and my head knows one thing yet my heart feels something completely different. This pregnancy has been very different for me for many reasons. It came as a complete surprise to us on the due date of the baby that we lost in September. I have had a lot of sickness and pain with this pregnancy early on that I didn't have with any of the others. It has been hard for me to get excited because I am extremely fearful that we will lose this baby too. I pray and I pray that God will remove my fear, that he will help me to cast my fears on him, that he will give me peace. Yet, somehow I still seem to hold on to my fear. I know that it is on my side because fear is not from God. However, I am unable to unclench my fearful hands and rest in Him. Just being completely honest and vulnerable here.

So, if you think about me, please pray that I would be able to let go of this fear and enjoy the next 20 or so weeks of this pregnancy. Thanks!

8 Years

8 Years ago we said "I do" to each other. It's crazy to think that it's been 8 years. In some ways it seems like a blink of an eye and in other ways it seems so much more than 8 years.

In 8 years we have .... lived in 5 different houses in 3 different states. We had 3 children, experienced 2 miscarriages, and now have one on the way. We have experienced some high highs and low lows. We have traveled together and learned to make our marriage a priority. We have fought through some hard times in our marriage and we have come out on the other side and look forward to how God will use this story for His good. We have learned a lot and have a lot to be thankful for. 8 Years! I look forward to all that lies ahead of us.

Jeremy, I love you and I'm thankful for you in our lives. I'm proud of you and all that you have accomplished and the man you are today. I look forward to how God will continue to work in our lives and use our life together to further His kingdom. Thank you for being you and for loving us the way you do! Thank you for being the husband you are, the father you are and the friend to all of us that you are!

I love you!