Upper Endoscopy

The upper endoscopy is over. We do not have any results at this time. There were a couple things that she could visibly notice but nothing that was alarming.

Pace has a hiatal hernia. It's pretty obvious in the picture once you know what you are looking at. The hernia could cause reflux and that could be what was causing him pain.

He also had lumps on the lining of his stomach. Which she said could be an indicator for celiacs disease. We will not know anything conclusive until the biopsy results come in. We have a follow up appointment on the 5th where she will go over everything with us.

After she dropped off the pictures of his insides to us there was a code blue that came over the loud speakers right where Pace was. I was scared out of my mind but it was not for Pace. I walked out in the hall, with a panicked look on my face and a nurse calls out our last name a few times. She then motioned to come to her and when we got there, Pace was sleeping soundly in a bed. I just bawled and held my child. I have never felt such relief before!

Thanks to everyone for praying for my little man and for us! We could definitely feel them and even though Pace was scared this morning ... you could see the peace come over him as it got closer to time. So thank you so much!

Tomorrow is the day!

At 5:30 AM tomorrow morning we will arrive at the hospital for Pace's upper endoscopy. They will do the procedure at 7 AM. Please be in prayer for him and for the Doctor who will performing the endoscopy. She will be going in to look around and see if there is something that she can physically see that is wrong and to also biopsy the intestines and check for celiacs disease, lactose intolerance, or allergic gastritis.

He was very nervous this morning and throughout the day but seems to be more at peace tonight. He knows that people are praying for him and God is answering the prayers! Thank you all so much!

Glory Baby

This week we would have been 39 weeks in our first pregnancy and 14 weeks in our second pregnancy that both ended in a miscarriage. Had the August pregnancy not ended we would most likely have had a baby last week - since I tend to go at 38 weeks. I've been doing a lot of thinking this past week. Wondering what it would be like to hold my forth, wondering whether it would be a boy or a girl. Just wondering ... all the while knowing that God has the best in store for me. Even though it may hurt right now and there are the "could be's" and "should be's" going on in my head ... he is the I am and He knows ultimately what is best for me. He doesn't promise me an easy road but he does promise to walk with me through it all.

This song by Watermark pretty much sums up my feelings, one day all my wondering will be answered. Until then ....

GLORY BABY

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

Dear Pace

Dear Pace,

Yesterday, you began the most amazing journey in your life! You said "yes, I trust God." Yesterday, you made one of the biggest commitments you will ever make. A party was held in heaven in your honor. The angels sang and rejoiced and God smiled at your decision to begin your walk with Him. Easter 2011 will always be a special day for you and for your father and I. What a special day it was. Your joy was contagious. I pray that you always remember the joy of your salvation!

Your relationship with God is like a going on a long journey with Him. Many start off well but don't realize they need to keep going in order to reach their destination. You are almost 5 but God has been working on your heart for a while. You have been asking questions and pondering the Cross for some time. Your child like faith really challenges me in my own walk with Christ.

Before I ever held you for the first time, I prayed that you would come to know Him at an early age. I prayed that you would love him and that your life would be one used to further his Kingdom and bring him Glory. Little did I know that you would give your little heart to him at the tender age of 5.

I pray that you will continue to walk with him. There will be many dips and bends in your road as you journey with Him. One thing I hope you always cling to is that HE is ALWAYS faithful to you. He will lead you if you allow him to take you by the hand and walk with you through life. At times you will face trials and you will wonder where he is. I want you to know that He will be by your side at every place you will find yourself in.

You will not be perfect in your new walk. You will fall, but you can rise knowing that there is a God who longs to forgive you, dust you off and set you back on the right path. Faith is an amazing thing, son. You are just at the beginning of a great journey.

I pray that as you grow that your knowledge and understanding of exactly what the cross means will resonate within your heart. I pray that you will remain tender to the things that grip the heart of God. I pray that you will use your life to glorify Him in ALL you say and ALL you do. I pray that you will love him even when it is not cool to do so. I pray that you will stand for him even when those around you sit down. I pray that you will be a champion for the weak and a warrior for the wounded. I pray that you will be sensitive to that still small voice inside that will guide you along life's journey. I pray that just like you sang today "break my heart for what breaks yours" - that your heart will break over the things that break His heart. I pray that you always make much of Jesus.

There's so much more I'd like to say to you and I will. I look forward to walking with you on your new journey. I love you and I'm so proud of you!

Love,
Mommy

Another Amazing Day!!!

Yesterday was a special day in our home. (Besides being Easter - which in and of itself is very special as we celebrated our RISEN Lord!) Pace decided that he wanted to take a huge step and allow Jesus to be the Lord of his life. He has been asking questions for a while and we answer them but he hasn't ever wanted to go further. We had two services at church yesterday and during the volunteer service Pace told us he wanted Jesus to be in his heart.

Our childrens pastor talked with him between the services and Pace asked Jesus to live in his heart. It was an Extra special day. I wish you all could have seen the joy and excitement on his face as he told everyone he came in contact with. It was truly an incredible day!

Two of my children have invited Christ into their hearts - something I have prayed for since they were in my womb. A very exciting day as mom when I get to hug my son who is now my brother in Christ. Words just do not do justice to the emotions going on in my heart right now - such a special day! I look forward to the day that Kennedy does the same!

Confession Time

Just writing those words makes me want to pull up a couch across from a therapist and spill my heart :) Ahh not that kind of confession .... It's Easter today - and the reason for todays celebration is this :

The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen... Matt. 28:5-6

HE IS RISEN!!! In our family we don't do Easter Baskets so obviously no Easter bunny. We did do it one year ... Ryan was 2 1/2 and Pace was almost 1. I remember as I was driving home "WHY are we doing this?" At the time Jeremy was without a job and so money was tight but that was not my reasoning or thinking. We talked and we just could not justify explaining how a bunny would come to our house while they were sleeping ... and then turn around and tell them that Christ Rose from the Dead. For us, so many holidays get turned into an event to buy more stuff and the focus is taken off what they stand for. To us Easter is so much more than bunnies, candy and more stuff.

It's about Jesus and the fact that HE ROSE and HE LIVES! And that is something that we want to celebrate!!!! We don't need a bunny to help us do it.



**We do not think differently of or look differently at those who do. This is just something we do in our family. We do not think you should do so as well, unless you want to.

Honestly

Waiting is not easy. Wondering what the tests are going to tell us. Wishing that I could take away the pain that plagues my son. This is what my days are like these past few days. I am oh so thankful that we are not facing a diagnosis like a mass, a tumor or cancer like we feared in the beginning of this process. Yet, if I am honest, I'm tired of my child hurting. I wish that our prayers would be answered "on the spot." Yet, each morning he wakes up and within a few minutes he tells us he is hurting and continues to tell us throughout the day. By the end of the day his belly is distended more than that morning. It is tough knowing that I can't fix it, that I can't take away his pain, that I can't make him better. I want so badly to be able to do this.

I'm praying for answers and hoping that the "mean time" is not too painful for my child that means the world to me and makes me smile no matter how hard a day may be. I know that my God is able to heal him - I'm praying that He will. If he chooses not to - I pray we can find answers and that his Dr will be able to help us get him out of pain.

So hard watching your baby hurt and not be able to help them immediately!

How's Pace doing?

Lots of people are asking how he's doing so I thought I'd post about it :) Pace has been Dairy free since Friday. I don't think it's enough time yet to get it all out of his system. We have been reading labels on everything he eats and we changed him over to Almond Milk. At first he didn't like the milk but he seems to be adjusting pretty well now - he just has it with his cereal for now - not ready to drink it just yet :) We have been giving him something to help him go to the bathroom and he seems to be going more than he was before :)

His pain: he is still in pain BUT it is not near as bad as it was before we started the no dairy path. He will complain about it off and on through the day but he is not crying himself to sleep like he was. This is a huge praise!

THANK you all for your prayers and support over the last week! Please continue to pray for him as we are still seeking answers for him. He asked me this morning if his belly was smaller yet. Please pray for him to not have any worries over the size of his belly or be self conscious of it. Up until now his belly has been his pride and joy :) Seriously, he loves it and it has never been something for him to see negatively or think of negatively. I do not want this to change that, especially if the belly does not go away completely. Pray for healing and answers.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Friday DR Update

Today we visited the Pediatric GI. She does not think that he has Hirschsprung's disease. YAY! The results for a few more of the blood tests had come in since we were at the doctor yesterday and she was able to go over them with us. The test for Mono came back negative. The test for celiacs had one indicator negative and one indicator as borderline. She said that there was controversy among doctors around whether a borderline result meant that the person had celiacs, didn't have it or would develop it later in life. She is going to do a upper endoscopy on Pace on the 28th and do a biopsy to get better more conclusive results. There are two other possibilities other than celiacs disease .... a lactose intolerance or allergic gastritis. Our prayer is that it is NOT celiacs or allergic gastritis and that it is just lactose intolerance. We will get the results back from the biopsy on May 5th.

From now until the 5th we will be taking him off all dairy - no milk, cheese, yogurt or ice-cream, etc. until we go back. We will also be giving him something to help him have a BM :) One day he will look back at this and be so mad at me for talking about this on a public place :) Hopefully, he will forgive me :) Hopefully, this will help with the pain he is experiencing in the evening and maybe even some of the distension of the abdomen.

Thanks for the prayers and please continue to pray. We will update more as we know more.

Learning

I'm learning more about my Pace through this process. Yesterday, we had a few conversations that made me realize that even though his little personality would lead you to believe that he is not bothered by much ... this is bothering him. Pace has such a happy personality and he is always smiling or making a joke about something. He is your typical middle child. He makes light of everything, everything!

First conversation yesterday was in the doctors office as we were waiting on the doc to come in. He asked me "what happens if people think I'm weird, or my belly is weird." Oh just rip my heart right out of my chest. I asked him if anyone had told him this and he said no, he was just wondering. Which made me realize that he thinks this. We talked about how he was fearfully and wonderfully made and that God doesn't make mistakes when he makes us. We talked through a lot in that little room and my heart was breaking for my child. In the past 3 days he had been poked, mashed, and scrutinized by lots of people. We had a great conversation and I was thankful that God gave us that time so that I could see past the funny side to the side that he rarely shows us!

Second conversation was right before bed last night. He had been a little clingy yesterday afternoon and evening and so as we were sitting together talking he told me that he didn't want to go to the doctor anymore and he hated it. Pace rarely uses this word so I knew this was really bothering him. We had a good conversation but when he was down and heading to sleepy land, my heart was breaking for my child. I know that he doesn't understand what is going on, why he is hurting or why he is having to go to so many appointments. It's hard on his almost 5 year old mind to understand what is going on. He is picking up on our fears and concerns and he has his own as well.

I'm thankful that I was able to peel back a layer with Pace yesterday. To see behind the funny front that he shows to so many - and makes everyone fall in love with him instantly, he knows no strangers. Because of this most people don't just like Pace, they love him. He makes such the impression on everyone he meets.

I pray that he will continue to allow me (and Jeremy) into these places in his heart and his mind. I pray that God will also give us the discernment to know when we should help peel back those layers and when we should leave them alone.

I'm praying today that we get closer to answers so Pace will not have too many more things to go through. I'm praying that this appointment is not too painful for him and that he doesn't have to spend many more days in pain!

Thank you all for your concern and prayers for our little man! We appreciate it more than we can express!

Another Pace Update

Today I called our pediatrician to see what we could do for the pain he was in in the evenings. They told me to bring him in immediately. Thankfully, I was with some friends who gladly helped with Kennedy and I was able to get out the door quickly.

Some of his blood work is back in. His liver enzymes are normal. The test that tests for Celiacs is not back in and there are a couple others still out there as well.

One of the things that the Doctor did say today is that Pace could have Hirschsprung disease. We have been referred out to Pediatric GI doctor and that appointment is tomorrow at 10 AM. He said they would most likely have to do a punch biopsy to determine if this is it or not. From there if he has this it would take surgery to correct. BUT it is correctable and it is something that he would not have to deal with for the rest of his life.

So we are getting closer to answers. Thank you all for your prayers and please continue to lift him up.

I'll continue to update as I can and as we know more! Thanks for checking in on us!

Quick Update

Just a quick update for those of you that haven't already seen our updates via facebook. This morning we were able to get Pace in for the ultrasound. A little over an hour after we left, our doctors office called to tell me that his spleen and liver were enlarged and she wanted us to go immediately to have blood work done. We took him to the lab and he was a champ, and the tech did a great job only having to stick him once.

So now we wait .... the hardest part of the process so far. The mind can take you crazy places when it is let loose to wonder. We are doing our best to control the "could be's" and "might be's". But it is hard as you watch your little one hurt and not be able to do anything to help him.

We have such an amazing group of friends and family both near and far who are holding us up before the Father and that means more to us than we can ever put into words. We know that people are on their knees for our little man and for us as well and we are more than thankful for this!

Thank you for your prayers and thoughts! I'll keep you updated as we know more ... they did say that the blood work would take a few days for all of it to come back in. We are also trying to get all the stool samples completed but that's taking Pace some time to complete :) GRIN!

Have a great night y'all!

Do NOT worry ...

Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV)

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

It says for me to not worry ... in fact in my Bible these words are in red which means they are the very words of Christ himself ... HE is telling me not to worry. So then why do we find that one so hard to follow through on?

Last night Pace cried for an hour before he went to bed. He was in pain and there was nothing this momma could do but hold him, pray for him and cry with him. I tried very hard not to let him see me cry but as soon as he was in bed, they came. I know that many parents are facing far worse diagnosis with their children .... however, it is still so hard to see your child in pain and not know what is causing it. Knowing that we are doing everything we can to help him but it's not fast enough to keep the pain away from him. Seeing the pain get worse every day is hard. I just want to scoop him up and take it away, wipe it out and tell him that all is well. I can't do that and it is hard for me. I'm a fixer and this one I cannot fix.

Worry creeps in and I pray. I pray that God will heal my child and give me peace. I pray that I can just leave it in His very capable hands .... that part, if I am honest, is hard for me. Leaving it and not worrying.

So today I am telling myself ... Do NOT worry!

Please pray!

Please pray for our little man Pace. He has had a rather round belly since he was around 1 year old. Over the past few weeks we have noticed it getting bigger and bigger. He has also been in more intense pain in his abdomen. Today, I took him to the DR and they are running some tests on him. He will have an ultrasound done later this week. His doctor didn't tell me much of what she was looking for - she didn't want to scare me she said ... too late already scared. Here are a few of the things she will be checking for:

1. How his body processes his food.
2. How his body processes fat.
3. Celiacs disease - we are praying that this is NOT the case!
4. H Pylori

There are a few other things but I cannot remember the names of them all. Should have had a note pad with me at the appointment. He is not in constant pain but he does hurt off and on every day - the pain seems to be more severe over the past few days as he has been crying more saying he hurts.

Anyway, our minds are mush right now with the "could bes" and "might bes" ... pray for peace for us as well. But more importantly, please pray that the DR is able to find answers. That whatever is going on in his body can be treated quickly and will not be something that he will battle for the rest of his life.

Thank you all!

Neighborhood Block Party

Friday night we had a neighborhood block party! It was lots of fun. We have been wanting to do this for a while and were finally able to pull it off. We had lots of neighbors and friends come over to eat and hang out. It was lots of fun to see all the kids out playing and getting to know our neighbors better!

There are several more empty houses and homes for sale on our street .... we are praying for the people that will one day fill those homes. Praying for opportunities to reach out and enjoy those around us. Praying that God will continue to use our family in whatever way He chooses to. Praying that we can be a light to those around us and that the lives we lead will draw people to Him!

Welcome Home mom!

We had an amazing welcome home from our children! When we drove into the driveway on Sunday the boys were outside holding welcome home signs that they had made, complete with notes telling us that they loved us and missed us. They were talking miles a minute as they told us about their days and many hugs and kisses were received. Kennedy was sleeping when we got home so when she woke up from her nap I was standing by her bed. She looked up and said "Hi mom" and then the biggest smile swept over her face as she realized that we were home! It was too sweet!

It didn't take long for reality to set in though. Back to life, back to reality couldn't be more true. Sunday night we had a sleep walking child so momma got no sleep wondering what might happen to him. It was hilarious afterward but scary still for me. Monday morning was the kicker of all kickers. Lunches to make, breakfast to serve and as we were walking out the door Kennedy had a HUGE accident - BIG TIME. So much so that I had to give her a bath and really didn't think either boy would make it to school on time. Jeremy was actually walking out the door as well so he's trying to help me call someone to see if they can pick up Ryan while I'm upstairs cleaning up the messy child. It required a bath at 8:20 in the morning! I think maybe that describes how bad it was.

So welcome home mom! We didn't want you to forget what it was like to be a mom since you had the past 8 days to lie around and be pampered and waited on .... get back to it!

I love it and wouldn't trade it for the world. Though it was nice to have a bit of a break :)

Oh what a week!!!

This past week the hubs and I spent 8 days and 7 nights without the kids on this ship! It was fabulous!! For 8 days someone else planned the meals, made my bed, cleaned my room, cleaned my bathroom, and catered to my wants and desires .... ahhhhh it was wonderful! I did miss my kids terribly but it was nice to have a bit of a break! So very thankful to my in-loves for coming to watch our three little munchkins and giving us this break!

Jeremy and I went to a marriage conference a couple years ago and they had gave us a quote during the weekend that said "Dialogue daily, Date Weekly and Depart Quarterly." Departing quarterly is a bit hard for us for many reasons but we make it a priority to get away yearly. We have done this for the past 3 years and we plan to continue doing it. It's something we budget for and plan on ... it's that important for us that we save for it monthly. It's a splurge to some but a necessity to us and to our marriage. To us it is just as important as paying the light bill or our mortgage payment each month. Our marriage is better for it and so our the kids. They miss us and we miss them but it's good for them to see us putting each other first ... whether that be through our "couch time" - no interruption daily conversations , our weekly dates - most are after the kids are in bed and we just watch a movie or hang out with no outside distractions, how we treat each other, or through our yearly departure. They are better for it and so are we! So if I could offer any advice that you might take ... please make time for your marriage away from your daily routine, away from your kids ... it is hard at first but your marriage will thank you for it later!

Now, to tell you a bit about our week. We did a 7 night cruise on the NCL Pearl. We did the Western Caribbean - Honduras, Belize, Costa Maya, and Key West. We had 2 days at sea and every other day was ported at one of the above locations. We walked around the port area in both Honduras and Belize. Though in Belize our ship "parked" out in the ocean (pictured above) about 6 miles from the Port area due to a natural Barrier reef. I always wondered if it would still be there when we went back :) You couldn't see it from the port area so it was a bit eerie to me.

In Costa Maya we were able to snorkel, though the water was ROUGH! We mainly just enjoyed a day at a beach about 50 miles from the port area. Thankfully we were on a NCL excursion so they couldn't leave us! :)

The best part of the trip was that there was no interruptions other than the ones we wanted to be interruptions. Very little TV for either of us - just good quality time together. We played cards and just relaxed by the pool most of the time. The shows at night were excellent and we laughed at the fact that our neighbors on either side of us were our grandparents age and were out later than us on most nights :) But, we enjoyed our time and spent it exactly how we wanted!

Nice to be home and with my kids ... I'm now looking forward to next years trip ... where to go?!?!?!

Are you planning your trip yet?